less friends; more acquaintances.
   Disclaimer: the current page
  is atrociously coded, works for MSIE 6 & NSN 7.2 so far.
  Better not try Opera, I puked when I did.
  Miraculously enough, Mozilla
  Firefox kinda works too, phew.
  BUT. Not very well of course.
  NSN & MF can't see the Jscript
  navigation I put up, too bad ;p
  (In midst of upgrading, keep looking. Working on a table-less 100% CSS layout now, not this TABLE TR TD bullshit that can't even be cross-browser compat.)
Who's blogging, you ask?
- pronounced KAY-n.
- not to be confused with kelvin.
- the B's: basketball & books.
- singing, photography, movies.
the poook.
- The once in a blue moon contributor
- kein's sis.
- yet another once-in-a-blue-moon blogger.
- more to come eventually?
Listening to:
Mayday 五月天 -
iam tandem - an old story.
read it, download it here.
rainingberry auctions, lotsa stuff for sale. check it out! :O
brother sketch's niche ;)
the leongster's shots.
estee's dreams.
the recluse's pixels.
khelath's boredom.
cher's recipes 'n such.
maddox's best page in the universe.
rich burlew's OOTS comic strips, thrice a week!

CCNA stuff

Recent rants

Mouldy mouthings

Powered by Blogger Who Links Here a small tribute here to the countless forums and sites on css i visited on Google: thanks! ;)

i still bled my brains dry and spent ten odd hours debugging the damn alignment 'tho. *makes a face*

Friday, April 29

of fatigue.

- kein, posted at 6:19 AM.

Yawn. Damn but am I tired.

Been sitting at the PC the entire night handling customer calls, trying to log sequence of events blah blah due to some stupid latency issue, brrr. (Picture customers screaming politely on email "Why is my connection LAGGING!" I would've told 'em to shove it but hey, I'm in customer service man.) No peaceful night for me, but at least my colleague was around to do all the other menial stuff.

I'd woken up earlier yesterday to process a bank draft for upcoming school fees, and I can't sleep right after work later 'cus I've a dental appointment in the morning.

Kinda lacking in sleep.. tired tired tired tired tired but nooooo, can't surrender just yet. Still gotta wakeup earlier later for my Friday jog, and yeah I'm working again later tonight, not to mention tomorrow night.

.. wonder if I'll die younger from all these constant abuse I'm doing to my body. Hopefully before 50 years of age, like what I expect ;p

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Tuesday, April 26

The English Test

- poook, posted at 10:32 PM.

I just took this English Test, and am I surprised!

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 100% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

No, I did not cheat. I merely guessed (about 4 out of 40 questions) my way through. Sometimes, I wonder if it's a blessing in disguise that I was forced by my brother to read his collection of David Eddings' books in the past. My english would have been a fair C5/C6 if it wasn't for the persistant efforts he made. Thanks bro :)

And besides, this is something (I should be) proud of having! Speaking of which, this reminds me of the bananas my brother(kein) told me a few days back.

What's bananas, you ask? Well, this is stated according to kein's Theory of Banana Classes in Singapore(I made that up).

According to the theory, Singaporeans can be split into 3 major categories, mainly:

1. First Class Banana
2. Second Class Banana
3. Third Class Banana


First Class Banana

The group of Singaporeans who can speak/write perfect English. Even though their language is fluent, they do not possess any foreign accent that might label them as poseurs.

It is also noted that these people are also fluent in their Mother Tongue. However, there are some exceptions.

Example: Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Second Class Banana

The group of locals who can speak/write proper English.

Well, at least a proper sentence.

It is often noted that such people have the ability to alternate their level of language between English and Singlish with the type of people they are interacting. Also, most are quite fluent in their Mother Tongue, though there are some exceptions.

Example: Most of our MPs.

Third Class Banana

The group of locals who can speak/write average English. It is noted that conversations are usually laden with Singlish, instead of English. However, these people would be stronger in other areas such as, Mathematics/Science/Arts/MT/etc.

And I'm pretty proud to say, this is the group of people who represent who we really are inside :)


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Monday, April 25

of basketball.

- kein, posted at 9:39 PM.

Was playing basketball at NZ's place yesterday evening, and I was reminded once again of how incredibly dumb some people (i.e. mostly stupid kids) could be. It was a sortof winner-gets-to-play-on system in groups of 3, and like everything else in life, the good and bad were evened out. I had this guy in my team who was fairly acceptable, and one other moron who literally left me speechless.

Just like another other team sports, bball is more about getting the ball to the free man most of the time. This stupid kid would only do two things whenever he got the ball:

1. Release a disappointing three pointer which would invariably miss.
2. Try to pass the ball to the other guy, who would almost always be guarded.
3. Pass the ball to me, since I was unmarked and ready to do whatever.

Notice that I struck out the third option; I did say two things, remember? :) We were on a winning edge the first few matches, so I didn't really say much. As the games continued, I gradually noticed that he would only do either A or B, and I was thinking "tmd, cannot be this kid so stupid right, don't even know how to play bball properly." So I ended up testing it over and over again during the games.. and man was I right.. he was an idiot who would only mumble "sorry" when his three pointers didn't score (which was about 100% of the time.)

.. all that went through my head was "sorry for fcuk?!" Walao eh, if you've the guts to apologise then do something about it la, instead of apologising and making the same stupid mistake again like two minutes later -.- Accept that your shooting sucks la, walao eh.

That aside, it was more or less a boring process of playing with kids the rest of the time. You don't know how bad it can get when you're teamed up with people who don't know the meaning of co-operation, sigh. And I got some additional 'decorations' from the games; three bleeding scratches on the back of my left hand. The adrenaline shortcircuited the nerves though, and I only noticed them much later.

In consolation, we had a last game against some other Chinese nationals which wasn't too bad anyway :) The Chinese team were more or less outclassed against NZ, me and some other guy, quite a fun but quick game.

NZ was trying to teach some other guy how to get the ball properly in the paint while playing 2 on 2; the inner bball coach in him talking I guess :) The poor fellow got worn out during that game though, trying to score and keep up with me. *scratches head* Sounds a little arrogant isn't it? Hmm.. it's just a matter of simple maths actually. I've been playing for almost nine years, and the other fellow's prob not even hit two yet. Therefore conclusion = outclassed again.. too bad for him.

In retrospect, I haven't even realised that I'd been playing that long. In comparison with NZ (who started playing the same time I did), I hadn't had any formal team training at all. Prob that's why he's much better technically, and I'm still fumbling about finding ways to improve. It's lucky we're quite different in roles :) He's usually the de facto passer and shooter while I'm the one who tries to get the ball in, since my passing and dribbling aren't up to par yet ;p

For me, basketball is exceptionally fun when you can move about with the reassurance that the ball will come when you call for it. Of course, gotta reciprocate that trust by getting the ball in, but I don't always pull that one off so oops :)

Be it passing, defending or attacking, the element of challenge is always there.
Will my pass get through just in time for the teammate to score?
What will the opponent do next, and how should I guard him?
Given the situation now, what openings are there for me to attack?
Do I continue charging in, or pass the ball before I get bogged down by the defense?
A thinking game, and split-second decisions to be made; how absolutely thrilling :)

Enough of this, I can almost hear the snores of those non-bball fanatics ;p Save the hardcore raving for another night, grins.

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Saturday, April 23

of amusing pics :)

- kein, posted at 8:42 PM.

Let's see if you found them as funny as I did :)

Will you attain spiritual enlightenment after eating this kind of egg? :)

Poor chap; that's all I can say ;p

Incredible mahjong tile balancing skills, lol. There's this nagging suspicion that the tiles were superglued together tho' o.O

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Thursday, April 21

half-time break.

- kein, posted at 10:53 PM.

Short break before I start on the blardy CCNA (otherwise known as Cisco Certified Networking Associate, for the uninformed) again, yawns. Just finished tekan session on the bod, time to tekan the mind later brr.. sibei jialat.

Main course for today, to the accompaniment of Jay's Incomparable Concert DVD:
- 2 x 25 pushups (killer course)
- 2 x 25 bicep curls
- 2 x 30 tricep curls
- 2 x 25 crunches

Doesn't seem like alot, but for an idler of a year or so, it's definitely not easy going ;p

Trivial update: heard that we'll be using new CPUs at the workplace today; Pentium-IV 3.0 GHz processors, 512MB SDRAM (assume it's SDRAM la, can't be RDRAM right?) and Windoze XP? Whistle, big big upgrade from the plodding old Windoze 98 terminals we've been using :) Not bad, at least I'll enjoy using my work terminal a 'lil more grins.

More important note: Anyone interested in buying the Lara Croft: The Cradle of Life movie DVD and the first Lara Croft movie VCD? Just found out I'd gotten freebies yet again.. Z. I'd rather have free movie tickets than this. Oh well, time to offload 'em somewhere.

Was playing MSN Wheel of Fortune with PR and WK last night till about 5 a.m, and PR was saying "我以你为荣". Trivial shit, but I didn't know that having an English A1 in the long ago O's was good enough to make my friends admit that yes kein was a friend of theirs, and they were proud of that fact ;p Fairly amusing to me anyways.

OK, enough inanities written; time to tak chek! End of boring post.

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Wednesday, April 20

see, i told you i suck at art.

- kein, posted at 6:24 AM.

Did this at art.com before I knocked off work today. I'd finished another chapter of my CCNA for the night anyway, time to cool my heels and relax abit.. so.

Not easy to draw this with a fcuked up mouse y'know?

To see the entire painful enlightening process of how I completed my masterpiece, click here.

Wanna draw your own piece of crap work of art? Go here :)

Yawns, 30 minutes more!

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Tuesday, April 19

of braces and whistling

- kein, posted at 4:58 AM.

I belatedly realised last night that I couldn't whistle even if my life depended on it. So yeah, I wasn't that great at whistling in the past but I could manage a decent sounding tune or two at least.

Did some thinking back.. and I came to the conclusion that my inability to whistle came right about.. when I started on my braces. Funny how straightening your teeth kills whistling -.-

Well, I didn't really believe my theory at first, so I Googled my way through for fun.

Comment found at AtlanticBlog

Lucky I haven't found anything else to support this weird theory; maybe it's just that I suck at whistling :)

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about determination.

- kein, posted at 12:11 AM.

Determination. 恒心. It's so easy to NATO (no action, talk only. a Singaporean favourite) about how the mind can overcome the unwilling flesh, and overcome obstacles, but as usual it's not so easy in reality :)

Definitely not simple, as I found out while jogging last week. While I certainly wasn't doing the 100 metre dash, it came fairly close to a brisk jog, and my body was certainly punishing me for the lack of running during the past year. It was a competition of mind over matter, pushing myself to reach the end point before I stopped entirely, the constant streams of "fcuk you, don't stop! just a little bit moreeee.." to myself, taking deep breaths while the starved lungs screamed for air and sweat chionged from all the bloody pores.

In a perverse sort of way, it felt good though. The first step to regaining my stamina, fitness.. and hopefully the $200 that comes along with an IPPT silver :) Swimming and basketball would keep me from becoming a slob, but it certainly wouldn't make me any fitter after all. What else could I do, but turn back to my least-loved activity.. jogging.

Sorta decided that jogging should be done thrice a week and pushups, crunches and chinups be scheduled on the other days of the week. Hopefully the regime wouldn't kill me yet.. my legs were aching all over after my first run last week.

Today's jog felt better though; maybe there's just something refreshing about the rain that pelts you as you carry on jogging (while taking care not to slip and fall on the stupid metal drain grilles; hazardous tsk tsk) and of course, painful when the blardy raindrops hit your eyes.. as I discovered in pleasure extreme irritation when I kena just now.

Now there's jogging, basketball, swimming blahblah to occupy my body, and I'm going back to hit on CCNA now that driving's off my mind for the time being; not to mention the fact that the degree studies are coming up in a few months' time too.

Let's see how long I can keep this up; hopefully all of these'll be habits to last me throughout the next two years at least. I can like almost draw a schedule of the next two years right now, gees.. crazy existence. I'll be screaming my head off if I wasn't already resigned to my fate.

Determination, hmm..

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Saturday, April 16

what makes you happy?

- kein, posted at 8:04 PM.

Idle talk being exchanged at the dinner table just now with ah poook, and the thought just struck me; There wasn't really anything I could do or want that made me happy.

I understand what constitutes a challenge, and the feeling of exhilaration. After all, that's why I play basketball.

Satisfaction, accomplishment, yep. Maybe I'll reserve that for stupid stuff like my upcoming degree and other long term goals.

Contentment, yeah of course. Whenever I get enough sleep or buy something I want ;p

But happiness? Hmm, this one sorta stumped me. I haven't had the feeling of being happy in quite some time. Not even when I'm out with my friends, hmm not even; just realised this part when I was out with LS in the noon. Most of them have been a big part of my life for years, and the belated realisation that I've unknowingly cut most of them out isn't very pretty.

Living for the sake of living, and nothing else. I don't talk much about my inner feelings nowadays, and it feels like I've pretty much compartmented most of those hazardous emotions away, lock shackles chains and all. They're still there in the corner, but it's all I do to take the merest peek once in a while.

The lyrics in Jay's 倒带 sorta summed it up, but I don't think there's a 你 involved.

应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白 一个人假日发呆 找不到人陪我看海
我想你应该明白 却一直都进不来 你留给我的伤害 我是真的很难释怀

Perhaps it's more like this.

应该开心的地带 感觉的全是空白 一个人假日发呆 找不到人陪我看海
或许有人能明白 却一直都进不来 这种莫名的伤痕 我是真的很难释怀

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Friday, April 15

seen this before?

- kein, posted at 11:15 AM.

Doubt any of you'll have watched Gundam Seed Destiny, but here goes nothing :)

One of the new upcoming mecha, known as Destroy Gundam. Beng sent me off laughing when he quipped "total uglyness 4 destroy...really shld destroy it", lol. Joke of the day to me; what a fitting name :) It does look like a piece of crap though, whaddafugs Gundam with a turtle shell? *rolls eyes*

Another yet-to-appear model; Destiny Gundam. Looks pretty ordinary here..

but it does look good here eh? *anticipation*

More eyecandy.

Oh well, that's all for now. I've sold off all the bands and met up with all the buyers yesterday, all clear! :) All that's left is to claim the money from Meng; money for the bands.. AND money for NZ's birthday present -.-

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Tuesday, April 12

the return of the band.

- kein, posted at 10:51 PM.

Looks familiar? If you've been looking at anything other than that jude babe strutting off in the distance, you would've noticed the increasing amount of idiots morons people who're wearing this wristband blindly as a fashion accessory in support of the Lance Armstrong Foundation and cancer research.

But the bottomline is.. I'm selling these thingies. Not at a profit definitely, since I bought the 10 pack of bands from the LAF as a favor to my buddy Meng, and as usual.. shit happened. The first shipment got lost in transit, my potential buyers ran off and I'm stuck with the remainder right now. Grrrrrreeat.

Interested? I've got a few of them left in youth size.

Measurements are as follow: 180mil diameter x 12mil width x 1.95mil thickness.

I'm selling them at at cost of SGD$4, and I'll prob be mailing them out to you. Why SGD$4 for a stupid band that costs only USD$1, you demand? A ripoff! Definitely a ripoff of course, if you never considered the fact that I had to pay like USD$16 for blardy shipping and handling :) Add that to total costs, and I'm definitely not even making like 50 cents profit out of every band; it'll prob be even less than 10 cents if I include the postage costs to the buyers.

*rolls eyes*

Contact me at kczj[AT]yahoo.com, or MSN me, or leave a comment. I'll get in touch ASAP I promise!

And yeah, thanks for reading :)

Updated @ 0300 hrs: only 1 wristband left, thanks to the HWZ forum people at EDMW and Garage Sales :) Didn't expect things to go that fast, grins. Lucky! Thanks to QL as well for the purchase ;p

Updated @ 0400hrs: all sold! :) Phew.

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nothing in particular.

- kein, posted at 2:20 AM.

Like what the title says (and I say again..) nothing in particular; just felt like typing something to ease the stream of thoughts in the mind.

I softly sing snatches of songs that come to mind, stuff like..


"我一个人在角落 没有你陪伴的我 连寂寞都笑我太堕落
广场旁边的烟囱 烟雾弥漫你面容 我悄悄背颂你的温柔.."


"就算是我不懂 能不能原谅我 请不要把分手当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口 请你回头 我会陪你一直走到最后.."


"应该开心的地带 你给的全是空白 一个人假日发呆 找不到人陪我看海
我想你应该明白 却一直都进不来 你留给我的伤害 我是真的很难释怀

终于看开爱回不来 而你总是太晚明白 最后才把话说开 哭着求我留下来
终于看开爱回不来 我们面前太多阻碍 你的手却放不开 宁愿没出息求我别离开.."


"风筝在阴天搁浅 想念还在等待救援 我拉着线复习你给的温柔
暴晒在一旁的寂寞 笑我给不起承诺 怎么会怎么会你竟原谅了我.."

(Ponder. I wonder how shitty I'll sound if I get a chance for a KTV session someday; a -10 to 10 scale wouldn't even have room for me 'cus I'll prob rate an -11, hiaks.)

Don't really know what I feel nowadays, or whether if I still feel. It's more like a reflex action nowadays; bubble rises, quash it. Look away, kill the thought.

Feeling wistful, missing friends? Stop thinking.

Feel lost? Don't even start.

Pressured, stressed? Berhenti.

See, everything's so simple once you don't bother to evaluate that pulsating bundle of emotions.

As a result, I've been liberated from those occasional twinges of depression that overtake even the best of us sometimes; those bouts of melancholia and sighing that make you feel like the the sun's set and won't be rising to greet you for quite some time to come, the thoughts about how sucky life is and why you're still alive doing crap. Like I said, not me :)

Everything in life is a double-edged sword of course, and this definitely isn't an exception. I feel like I've been turned into an automaton, being mindlessly put through my paces.

Action, action, action.

No contemplation please, just do it.

*rolls eyes* The drivel I spout when I'm trying to stay awake.. yawns.

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Sunday, April 10

boliao update.

- kein, posted at 3:55 AM.

If you look to the left, you'll see a long list of last's that I've just added. Dates of stuff that I last did, just for kicks.

(Ah poook (i.e. my bro) couldn't be bothered to update his profile, and I'm waiting for ReL jie to finish her advert banner for her online auction booth.)

I'd originally wanted to post a list of statistics to show how out of touch I was with all my friends, in accordance with the theme of this site i.e. last SMS received, last call made, last call received from friends, last time gone out et cetera.. you get the idea. Boliao eh?

About half a day later, the idea didn't seem so feasible; the friends who read my blog would most likely just call/SMS/drag me out after looking at my pitiful stats, and the numbers would likely be stuck at somewhere between 0 and 1 'cus they keep getting reset ;p

Yawns, that's about all. The weekend's been a quiet one so far, and I don't foresee anything tumultous happening either; barring stuff like..

- natural disasters: misaiming at the toilet bowl during an urgent call of nature, and spewing all my crap all over the bathroom.
- manmade disasters: the toilet bowl exploding and similarly spewing all my crap all over the bathroom.
- untimely disasters: not reaching the bathroom in time, and spewing all my crap all over the kitchen instead.

Alright, enough of this crap; off to bed.

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Thursday, April 7

Wednesday, April 6


- ReLie, posted at 11:59 AM.

Wah liao… just found out there’s a BIG copy cat in Yahoo Auction. I wasn’t very against copycats until somebody copied my works, copy wholesale some more.

Wah liao! A few descriptions very hard to write meh? At the very least modify a bit mah.
TMD, make my blood boil when I saw it….

Check out my original version:

and check out the bloody copycat’s version:

Copy my description WORD FOR WORD. TMD.
Even the TITLE is the same… only change the color that’s all..

Now I understand why Xiaxue was so angry that some Filipina copied her blog color/contents some few months back.


OK enough talking about that idiot.

Check out some of the things I have put on auction. Support support hor!

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Tuesday, April 5

on shitty english and stylish singlish.

- kein, posted at 2:51 AM.

Was working on translation just now, and I took a well deserved break from all that garbled Chinese subtitles that come from dunno-which-shitty-place. I hope their computers explode/get hacked/virus-infected or something similarly ominous; overly atrocious translations from Romanji to Chinese tsk tsk.

Why would I be working on translation in the first place eh? It's an ongoing freelance assignment to translate Chinese subtitles to English for Japanese anime episodes; shitty pay but shrugs, it's something to kill time :)

I used to think that the pay justified the effort level (major principle of life, this one), but after watching like 5 DVDs' worth of crappy subtitles in Gundam Seed in the past few nights.. I changed my mind big-time. Erroneous character names, lousy grammar, trashy sentence structure.. you name it they've done it; was a human being actually involved in writing all those subs? *rolls eyes* I could've done way better with both eyes closed, brrr.

And to think that my colleague actually paid money for this sorta stuff? (Nods, lucky thing I only borrowed the DVDs, else I'd be absolutely livid.) Fansubs would do much better, 'cept for the fact that fansubs aren't sold ;p Goes to show that you don't always need to pay for quality stuff.

I'm not really sure if I want other people cursing and yelling for my blood when they see the messy subs I produce, so I actually bothered to do background research on the anime character cast and readup on the episode summaries before I began work this time round. If my work still sucks, at least I can say that I've done my best with a clear conscience.

.. well, it's my best effort given that narrow timeframe la! *grumbles*

Well, that kinda concludes the shitty English. So happened that quite a few blogs've been writing about the proper way to speak our native slang, the much-loved Singlish :) Don't worry, I'm not planning to join in and spout another lengthy lecture here, so don't close the window yet ;p Merely links to various interesting reads, so relaxxx..

The Calm One starts the tide on proper Singlish.

Mr Brown follows up thereafter :)

infraredherring.com's choice additions to the palate.

A discourse on Singapore Colloquial English by Anthea Fraser Gupta; serious stuff :)

Enjoy! *heads off to continue producing legible subs*

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Sunday, April 3

classic moments.

- kein, posted at 10:50 PM.

There's this thing about a buddy giving an unoffending glass partition the kneeblow by accident, and the entire thing shattered.

.. this kinda thing prob only happens when the stars are right, the moon is that nice shade of azure blue and you're feeling like crap after stepping on dog poop a few minutes ago.

Should've seen my expression when I heard it from him; classic I tell you, simply classic.

I for one couldn't even imagine breaking the damn glass, it's so bloody thick! Imagine those glass doors you see at shopping centers.. yep it's that thick; prob break my knee before I succeed lol.

Bought an Ethernet card at SLS (Sim Lim Square for the non-techies) a few days back, because friend insisted his computer didn't have an RJ45 port (that's the stupid hole you plug the LAN cable into) to connect his new ADSL modem to. Guess what I saw when I went over to his place to install the card today.

.. a nice empty RJ45 port staring at me right beside the USB ports. He'd mistaken it for another USB port, of all things.

Classic man, simply classic.

It was a good thing I hadn't gone down specially to buy the bloody card, and lucky for him the card only cost $10. Oh well, saved me the trouble of plugging the card in.

Colleague insisted that the ladies' toilet was locked from the inside, because her key simply wouldn't work on the damn door. To up the suspense level, she heard faint sobbing coming from inside the toilet.. so off she went to inform the building management people about it.

I was dragged along to have a look at the mysteriously locked toilet door too, and given an impromptu demo of how the key wasn't opening the door.

Being me, I didn't quite believe the key wasn't working, so I took the key over and had a go.(To be honest, at that moment I was actually seriously musing over the possibility of kicking the door in.. if my attempt at the key didn't work. I know, stupid notion.)

Turned it clockwise.. hmm yep. Key simply wouldn't budge.

Turned it anti-clockwise.. the door smoothly opened.

Shot a disbelieving look at colleague, who looked properly embarrassed; it hadn't occurred to her to turn the key the opposite way -.-

Absolutely classic, this one.

And yep, she called building management right after that, grins. Told 'em not to bother coming down, the door was working just fine :)

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link images.

- kein, posted at 1:10 PM.

This is a call out to those people whom I've linked to inside my menubar, or anyone else who wants me to add links; if you got any pictures you want to use as links, do send it to me at kczj[AT]yahoo.com. Lazy to do image editing now that I don't have Adobe PS installed ;p

Keep the image within a limit of 150 x 150 pixels though :)

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Saturday, April 2

the void.

- kein, posted at 2:58 AM.

Nothing to blog, don't post. But I was bored, shrugs :)

Hungryyy.. brrr. Time to sleep soon tho, it's nearly 3 am sigh. Well, something personal tonight I guess, run outta shit to crap about. I've been thinking about writing all these down anyway, good a time as any other so here we go.

It's interesting how I distance myself from emotions nowadays, something like shutting them away in a box and hurling the key away so that I won't be tempted to open it at all. Not that I don't feel, but rather the fact I don't want to feel anything.

Perhaps it's that fear of examining my feelings up close, or maybe I'm just trying to protect that useless heart of mine. (Largely metaphorical; I suspect my heart's gone on an extended vacation somewhere and wandered into a black hole. Haven't heard from it in quite some time lol.) Whatever it is, I'm certainly doing well to distance myself from feeling too much. Cardinal rule nowadays is something akin to "don't think too much."

Not thinking, not feeling.

No loneliness, no sadness, no melancholia, no bouts of depression.

Sounds good isn't it?

The face is a canvas to convey your emotions, yep. Mine's more like a mask to hide my true feelings. Smiling even when I'm filled with resentment, laughing while screams of boredom echo inside the head. Sometimes I'm so fake that I alternate between amazement and disgust at myself; I didn't even realise the metamorphosis that'd occurred till it was too late.

Oh well, seems that there's a price to pay for everything you do after all :)

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